I know, I know - I know what you're thinking. "Wow, a side-scrolling beat 'em up? It's been a while since we've had one of those on the XBLA". Actually, unless you've been living under a rock for the past few years, that'll be the last thing you're thinking. The XBLA has had side-scrolling beat 'em ups coming out of its ears recently - it's practically overflowing - with a new one being added seemingly at least once a month. With a hefty 1200 point price tag, or around a tenner in real money, as the latest in a long line of hack and slash game to hit the downloadable service, Moon Diver was going to have to do something special to stand out.
Sadly, there's not really much of a plot to tie things together here. In fact, had we not read the press release, or the game's website, we'd likely not have a clue what's going on. Narrated by split-second cutscenes which show a still image, with an ambiguous line of text superimposed over the top of it, the cutscenes somehow manage to tell you absolutely nothing about what's happening, or who's doing it. They may as well have been replaced with a single static screen at the beginning that says "This is a game about hammering X to kill enemies. That's all there is to it." And it'd practically be telling the truth.
Stop hanging around. Oh-ho ho. Ohhhh ho ho, that's a good one.
Set across a variety of dark and dingy levels, Moon Diver strangely has little to do with diving, or the moon, but instead sees you playing as one of four characters of varying levels of androgyny as you, well, hammer "X" to bash seven bells out of the enemies the game throws at you across the course of 12 levels. With full support for four player, same console co-op, any friends who fancy having a go can turn up, and drop-in (but strangely not out), at any time too - which is a good job, as you'll certainly need the help.
Throughout the course of each level, you'll find yourself being attacked by - quite literally - hundreds of enemies, that come at you from all angles. Luckily for you, the vast majority of the enemies in Moon Diver are incredibly weak, and take just a single hit to comfortably dispatch. Whether they're flying past in the air, or trudging along the ground towards you, most of the enemies are a pushover to defeat - it's the ones that put up a bit more of a fight that make things interesting.
In amongst the foot soldiers that swarm at you, you'll find the odd "special" enemy, which are usually instantly recognisable thanks to their abnormally bright colouring. Yellow robots, for example, explode when they die, throwing out a massive explosion in a plus shape, meaning you'll need to be in the air, but not directly above them to avoid it. Other enemies are more frustrating - the little, grey, can-type-thing that stays hidden somewhere in the level, and casually snipes at you is particularly annoying. You usually won't even be able to see it when it starts firing at you, but you'll know it's around, thanks to the little red crosshairs that appear where it's going to shoot. If you can find it, it'll only take one hit to destroy it, but while you're hunting it down, it'll be taking pot shots at you, and making your life a misery.
You'll need to bring backup for the boss fights.
While the emphasis may be on how many enemies you can defeat, there is a small amount of exploration to be done, although it's certainly less than we'd have liked. While you can find new spells, or other upgrades by walking the path less trodden, there are few places for pick-ups and collectibles to hide, as the majority of levels are narrow, straightforward affairs, meaning there's little chance to wander off on your own and explore. It's particularly strange, as when you jump, your person will automatically glue themselves to the ceiling, meaning you can move through the levels like Tarzan if you want to, opening up all sorts of possibilities for finding little nooks and crannies that were hidden in the ceiling - it's just disappointing that there's seems to be none to find.
While the enemies may not be very tough on their own, the challenge here is in fending off their numbers, as you'll continually find yourself being swarmed by ever increasing numbers of enemies. Later levels make things more unfair by peppering the stages with lasers, which deal insane amounts of damage to anyone unlucky enough to stray in their path, and bigger, badder, bosses. Unfortunately for you, Moon Diver's one of those "old school" games that doesn't believe in modern inventions like "checkpoints", meaning that every time you die, you'll have to start the level again from the very beginning - which is especially frustrating, as most of the levels are easy enough, until you reach their boss, meaning you end up playing through the entire level, several times, only to fall at the last hurdle - by design.
As a sort of upside, in Moon Diver, even when you're dying, you'll be gaining experience, and helping your character to get stronger. As you progress through the levels, along with the aforementioned spells, which unlock when you collect them, you'll also be gaining experience each and every time you defeat an enemy - and if you level up, you'll be granted a point to spend increasing one of your attributes, from a selection of health, MP (which let you use magic), and toughness, which lets you deal more damage to the game's evil bosses.
Evil bosses. This game has them.
To be honest, it's a good job that you do level up even when you lose, as Moon Diver is an incredibly difficult game. While the levels are mostly a doddle to smash your way through, thanks to the mainly weak enemies, when you reach the end, and get to the boss fight, it becomes a different game entirely. Horribly cheap, with numerous one hit kills, the bosses in Moon Diver are absolutely abysmal, and enough reason not to buy the game - if you're playing in single player, that is. On your own, should you get hit by one of the bosses' numerous one hit kills, you're ruined - it's game over for you, and back to the start of the level. With a player in tow, however, if they survive, they can bring you back to life, by hacking at the chains that have surrounded your deadened form, to let you fight another day. All this means is that in multiplayer, boss fights become an endless rotation of death, as one player survives, and the other gets killed, meaning the boss takes forever to beat, as the time you should spend attacking it, you instead spend trying to bring your buddy back to life. On most bosses, we actually found ourselves using all four controllers, so that when both of us ended up dying, we had an extra controller that could "drop in", and resurrect us, before leaving him to his fate.
In all, it's difficult to know exactly how to judge Moon Diver. In single player, the game's an insurmountable challenge for all but the most skilled, but in multiplayer, it's suddenly a much more enjoyable experience, simply because your death isn't always the end. But with a ridiculous price point (at 400 points, it'd be a much fairer proposition), and boss fights that are nigh on impossible when you're playing on your own, Moon Diver is a game that it's only really worth looking into if you have at least one friend who's interested in playing it through with you. Even then, it's probably worth waiting until this is on the deal of the week, as it's not worth the £10 they're asking. Feel free to add an extra point when it drops in price.
Format Reviewed: Xbox 360
