You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you aren't the best
Interface, I would know
And you're overthought
Arranged too cryptically
I should know
I can't find what I need
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You work then you don't
It all seems worked out
Then you mess it about
You're wrong when it's right
It's green and off white
We try to buy stuff
But finding it's tough
You! You don't really want to play, no
You! But you still really should go gold, oh
You're hot then you're cold
You work then you don't
It all seems worked out
Then you mess it about
Microsoft seem to enjoy changing around the Xbox 360's dashboard for the fun of it, just to keep us on our toes. Large-scale system updates seem to be turning into an annual thing - November 2008 took us from the old, safe "blades" system into the jungle that is the NXE and then, the following November, saw added Kinect integration to certain aspects of the dashboard. Now, some thirteen months later, comes the third major revision - which, in the same way as a supermarket reorganising its shelves, just means we'll end up wandering around, cluelessly, trying to find where everything is all over again. Of course, there's also a raft of new features to ensure the update is more than just an new face.
Rolling out across the world during today, at some point over the next 24 hours, assuming you're connected to the internet, you'll get a box pop up notifying you there's an update available, and after a fair few minutes, a couple of Xbox resets and some strange noises from your hard-drive, the update will have downloaded and installed on your Xbox 360. When that's done, you'll be presented with a screen showing a series of boxes advertising the latest films, games, and downloadables - don't panic that it looks drastically different, it's meant to.
Too. Much. Grey.
Much like last year's update, it's all about Kinect - Microsoft's new motion-sensing camera that requires a living room the size of an airfield to play in. Along with the new Kinect-friendly boxy interface (as the Kinect integration has now been extended to cover the whole of the Dashboard), comes the ability to give your Xbox voice commands, either to play a film, load a game or search the Xbox Live Marketplace with the help of Microsoft's Bing search engine. From what we've heard from people who've had the dashboard update early, this seems a bit hit and miss - especially taking accents into account.
One of the most interesting of the new features is the 'Cloud Storage' option - no, it's not a box to put your fluffy vaporous cumulus in, but somewhere to back up your save games to, so that wherever you are or whatever happens, you'll have a back-up. So if you have a sudden impromptu game of Rock Band at a friend's house, your custom character can materialise out of said cloud, ready to go - so long as you're connected to the internet.
There's also the slightly-confusing prospect of 'Beacons', which act a bit like Game Invites, but let you post one to all your friends, over both Xbox Live and Facebook, saying you're looking to play a game of Call of Duty, or need an opponent on Family Game Night. These Beacons will also notify you when your other friends are playing those games so it's (apparently) a lot easier to jump into a game with them. Beacons aren't the limit to the Facebook integration though, as you'll now be able to post about your games quickly and easily without leaving the game - so you can tell everyone about how you've finally got an elusive achievement, or if you've managed to do something funny.
Today's update also marks the beginning of Microsoft's assault on various TV-related companies and other such applications. As of today, we'll be getting the ability to watch films rented from LOVEFiLM (so long as you've got a subscription), and, well, that's it. Coming later in December is Channel 4 On Demand, something called Blinkbox, Five on Demand, VEVO for watching your music videos, and YouTube for watching two-thirds of an episode of Black Adder before realising there's no third part. Towards the beginning of 2012, we'll also get a BBC app, MLB.TV and Televisa, a Mexican sports channel.
But the dawning of the new dashboard may leave a sour taste in the mouths of many who've previously shelled out for expensive themes, as the latest dashboard partially does away with the "premium" part of them, hiding the fancy theme-related props your friends used to stand in front of within a sub menu. More annoyingly still, when using old themes, the console still, inexplicably fades to grey around half way down the screen - meaning you can't see half of the theme you've paid for, for absolutely no reason. Answers on a postcard for what Microsoft are going to call the brand new range of themes that will undoubtedly be designed to fit around the new menu - 'Premium Premium Theme' maybe? 'Super Duper Theme'?
If the maximum size of a Friends List is 100, then this area will get more crowded than Next's January Sales...
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*News Just In*Apparently, according to a Microsoft representative, the timing for the Xbox 360 Dashboard update has been delayed slightly - whether this means you'll get the update an hour or two later than initially planned or whether it's been put on hold for a few days, we don't know yet.*Update*After a slight delay, the Dashboard Update is now live - and started going out to the 35 million Xbox 360s worldwide at roughly one o'clock this morning, so when you turn on your console next, you'll be asked to perform the update. We have already - and if there's one thing we've noticed, it's that your Arcade Game library loads much faster. Pretty much instantly, in fact - where it used to take thirty seconds plus to populate our hundred-strong list pre-update.
