With a name that means 'princess', we can't help feeling that sometimes we should have been destined for much greater things in life. As a royal, you have it pretty easy; you never have to worry about putting food on the table, struggling to pay bills or slaving over a hot keyboard with game diary deadlines looming. Looking at our own royals, it seems all you have to do is sit in a fancy car and wave at your adoring public, occasionally feign interest during political discussions, and record your Christmas speech once a year, which we suppose could get pretty dull. Gone are the days when royals had any real power, and most certainly gone are the days when your monarch led the charge into war - try to imagine Queen Lizzie on the front lines, brandishing her handbag at the invading forces.
But in the more traditional land of PopoloCrois, things are a little bit different. Young prince Pietro is but a child, and yet he's already successfully saved the land from disaster once before, and would rather do pretty much anything other than sit through school classes and attend court meetings. Yet for some reason, on the morning of his thirteenth birthday, he's nowhere to be found, much to his babysitter-come-advisor, the Chancellor's chagrin.
On the cusp of his teenage years, little Pietro seems to have just discovered the allure of girls, and has the hots for one in particular - a cutesy blonde witch by the name of Narcia, who accompanied him on his previous world-saving quest in games (and anime series) gone by. And it's this girl that he's snuck out of the castle to see - or he would have, if he could muster the courage to go and see her and give her his gift. Obviously no-one's ever told Pietro that your birthday is usually for receiving presents rather than giving them, but no matter, as a pep talk from his loyal guard is all he needed to set his mind straight, as he leaves the town with his guard in tow, heading for Narcia's house in the middle of the nearby forest.
After stopping off at the local crazy cat lady's house, obviously.
As is always the case in these medieval fantasy towns, the local wildlife is unusually hostile, with everything from heron-like birds and hedgehogs to flowers and goofy-faced cauldrons desperate to have a go at the prince. Seemingly prepared for this non-royalist onslaught, Pietro and his bodyguard waste no time in showing the unruly flora and fauna the sharp edge of some steel in a turn based battle - although somewhat unusually for a bodyguard, our friend Gomer is pretty crap in battle. Doing a measly 16 damage to your average humungo-hedgehog, the pint-sized prince Pietro puts him to shame, dealing roughly ten times the damage - around 175 - with each attack. Obviously having one world-saving expedition under his little belt means a lot more than many, many years of knight training…
Arriving at Narcia's little forest shack, we're greeted not by our lovely blonde temptress, but by a demon brandishing what looks to be a potato on a fork - and despite his unconventional choice of weapon, he's no push over, unlike the aforementioned oversized hedgehogs. With next to no help from Gomer and his piddly attacks, we set to beating the beastie into submission, trying to look as cool as possible as we do so, in the hopes of impressing our lady friend - but unfortunately, our heroic effort was for naught, as it turns out the object of our affections has popped out for a tick. Giving the basket of flowers to her butt-ugly older sister to pass on, we decide we better head back before the Chancellor has a hernia. Narcia's sister offers us a choice of either walking back under our own steam, or making use of her magical spell - and naturally, we chose the spell. Because who in their right mind would turn down a lift from a slightly suspicious witch in a forest?!
Seems legit.
Back in town, and after a way too long and boring lecture from the Chancellor, it's time to get ready for our birthday party, stat. Arriving in the Reception Hall, it appears that all the townspeople have turned out to wish us well, including the crazy cat lady from the corner of town - although somewhat regrettably, her moggies weren't allowed in. Under orders from dad to talk to each and every one of our subjects (such a drag), literally the most exciting thing that happened that night was the arrival of a visiting diplomat from a far off land, the beautiful Marmella, who's come as an emissary to help with the dangerous 'black beasts' that have begun to plague the peaceful land of PopoloCrois. As if our birthday party wasn't dull and depressing enough, without all that doom and gloom…
Fortunately, the after party back at prince Pietro's room is a bit more lively. Our crush Narcia and her older sister drop by our balcony to say hi, although things are more than a little awkward with the former. Crippling nervousness from both parties mean very little is actually said, outside of some idle chatter about the aforementioned 'black beasts', although once the sister Guilda clears off to give the pair some space, things start to get a little more… intimate. Narcia, the slattern wench that she is, decides to kiss our little Pietro out of the blue, before flying off into the night, leaving him wanting more. The tease.
Probably not the best face to pull when you've just been kissed, Pietro...
And so ends our first day in the world of PopoloCrois. Will Pietro manage to get any closer to Narcia? What of this Marmella and the growing problem of the 'black beasts'? What will we do to upset the Chancellor next? Find out in the second episode, coming later this week!
